Hello peoples. So i guess this is my life story. You must be really bored if your reading this? Oh well. I was born in 1976 in a small town near Shreveport, Louisianna. My birth was a foreshadow of my life really. It started very badly, when my mothers water broke, she knew immediately there was a problem. My parents called the hospital , which told them to hurry up and get here. Duh? So they got in the car , in the middle of a blizzard. It was january ya know. The roads were completely iced over.

They drove as fast as they safely could to the hospital. After getting there my mom was placed on a stretcher, and then the storm took the power in the hospital out. They did not have a backup power system , so the Doctor, who was 20 minutes late had to do a c-section by flashlight and candle light. Once they got mommie opened up they found me, strangled in the umbilicle cord. According to the doctor i was like that for half an hour. He said it was a miracle that i was alive, and that i would probably be brain damaged.

After 3 years of being raised in Louisianna, my parents noticed that i was highly intellegent. My dad was excited and constantly tried to teach me boring stuff. I just played with aluminum foil most of the time and ignored him :) Then we moved to arkansas where my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins lived. I was raised there untill I was 13. During those ten years i was abused in every way a human can be abused, on a daily basis. I was also terribly unpopular, ridiculed and spit upon by school mates. Teachers wouldn't have anything to do with me, for fear that I was beyond help. Which looking back now, makes sence. I was an odd child I suppose. Distant, always designing some new invention or reading up on computers.

During this time of my life my mom was gone, in mental instituions mostly. She has the same mental disorder I do, bi-polar disorder. At that time the mental health industry was not what it is today. My dad spent all of his time working or taking care of my mom. I spent all my time at my grandmothers house with all of my cousins.

I desperately wanted to get away from that hell, every day I dreamed of escaping to a big city. Didn't think it would ever happen. But then one day something happened.. My dad went broke. His had to go out of buisness and go bankrupt. Looking for work, he found some in Portland Oregon. At this time i was 13.

Then began the best part of my life. I changed my image a bit, began wearing all black, started letting my hair grow out. I immediately become incredibly popular with the kids at school and got my first girlfriend. From 7th to 10th grade I was having all kinds of fun with freinds, just being a kid, and being free of some of the abuse i'd left behind me, or so I thought. At the age of 14, i was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and began my long 10 year journy into theropy. Oh joy. But I managed to have fun though. The illness began to becoem too much for me in the 10th grade, I started skipping school on a regular basis. Eventually I just never went back.

All of a suddon my goals changed. Now I had three goals.
1. i wanted to be functional (i.e. be able to go to school, hold a job or what ever).
2. Have a sucessfull love relationship
3. Have a family.

I had to get to the point that I would be able to do these things. I would not stand for being ill, not the way my mom was. And I was much worse than she ever was. I would not accept that. I began agressivly researching and seeking theropy to no avail. I just kept getting sicker. Then something else happened. My dad quit his job. I was 17, just now really beginning to feel like portland was my home, and he moved us back to this place, sedalia missouri. I hated it. Alot.

I met a girl, who I liked a lot. Eventually we got into a relationship. I spent my time trying to get healthy, writing music and studying computers. Finally when I turned 18 I was free! I could go back to portland! Where there were REAL doctors! I knew if i was going to get better it would be there, where i was comfortable. So I bought a plane ticket and packed my bags. Then a few days later my girlfriend came to my house. Before i opened the door I knew she would be there, and I knew what she was going to say. But it still floored me. I opened the door and heard the words "Im pregnant".

I pushed really really hard for adoption for the first few monthes of the pregnancy. Niether of us were ready to have a child. I knew that, but she wouldn't go for it, and me pushing her was only stressing her out, so i gave in. I knew I was to sick to take care of a baby, I had to get better and fast. So I kept those plane tickets and went back to portland. I spent a year there, getting help. It wasn't medical treatment though that made me get better, it was a small church i found in the bad nieghborhood i lived in. It was in that church that I grew in the spirit of God, and was able to come home and be a dad to mhy first son Andy, for four years. I only missed the first six monthes of his life, and I did fly back for his birth. He was born on January 8th, in a snow storm :) His first name is James too. I just hope his life is much better than mine. His birth was.

After a couple of years I realized that I might be able to work, so I went to work at wal-mart. I held a job and had a family. I had everything i had ever wanted. But alas, it wasn't the end of the story. My girlfriend got pregnant again. Oh boy :) A second son. Only problem was I ahd the flu. Except the flu never went away. Then I was just tired, exausted. I began becoming to tired to walk, and passing out at work on a regular basis. After a year and a half at walmart, i was forced to quit because I was unable to walk. I went to doctor after doctor after doctor. Finally it was decided that I had a sleeping problem so i had a sleep study. Sure enough I didn't sleep well so I was sent to sleep doctor who said, you dont have a sleeping problem , your crazy , go see a shrink. So i did, and i've been doing so for over a year now. Changing my meds around, trying to get better. All i ever get is different meds. My second son recently had his first birthday when it hit me, i missed out on his whole first year because im so sick. My mental illness has grown to such a degree that i am no longer functional in any sence, except that I can walk, and talk.. and sometimes think, but not usually.

Which brings us to now. This is a crossing road in my life, there are many chapters yet to be written. But this is a turning point , from which things will get much better. Vampyre - 2000